A failure? I don't think so...

I woke up uneasily that morning, a morning that smelled the same fear which I had experienced earlier. I checked my phone to see if my SAT results were out and certainly they were. With the lord's name, I opened it and saw… 

                                       This wasn't the first time I got such a score. My first attempt brought me a score of 1020 which I believe was somehow known to me. But this time, I did not expect this. As soon as I finished my grade 10th examinations, without even wasting a single day, I got to my preparation for the next SAT attempt. I used to wake up at 3 in the morning, study till 3 pm (breaks in between) then go to classes and come back, drained and exhausted. Those days certainly weren't easy because more than just studying, it required persistence and a strong mindset. I could see myself failing every day, falling every day, but somewhere deep inside, I knew, I am improving 1% each day and only that, made me wake up the next dawn.  

                                    I had only 2 months to prepare for my 2nd attempt and I was already half way through when I gave my 1st practice test. I got a score of 1260. I felt repentant and deeply abjected that time, but I consoled myself and promised to give my best the next I do. 

                                   I started waking up at 2:30 am now, striving more because I did not want again to have a 4-digit permuting score where the 1st two digits are fixed to be 1 and 2. Gradually, the score even seemed to improve not much, but some. Days passed and finally, the day of fulfillment had finally arrived. 

                              I went into the examination hall and gave the paper.     

                                      It didn’t go well but it was palpably better than the practice test at least. Days swept and the result day arrived… I got a score of 1220. I felt intensely abjected and agonized because I felt like a failure. I couldn’t even crack it on my 2nd attempt? Did I just waste my father’s hard-earned money? Will I ever be able to adapt to the SAT? These gruesome thoughts dashed in my mind. It was difficult for me to even look into my dad's eyes and tell him. I thought he'd be outraged and furious, but he wasn’t. He just told me one thing, “I don’t care whatever your results are, but I am truly happy and proud that you tried your best because at the end, efforts are more important”. 

                                   This one line made me forget all the pain and sorrow that I had a minute ago. I realized I have gained more than just getting a good SAT score. I learned to stretch myself, wake up at 2.30, and study hard. I leant to travel alone to my classes which are extremely far from my home. I met new teachers and friends which have patently created an impact in my life. I improved my math skills tremendously because I was a C grader previously. I learned the skill to keep distractors away. And lastly, I learned the skill to deal with failures. 

                                 Once Lord Krishna said “कोई भी चीज़ व्यर्थ नहीं जाती (nothing ever goes waste)” on which I firmly believe. If I have learned from my defeat, I really haven’t failed.